You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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