That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
