i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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