my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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