More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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