Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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