Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i barfeds in our rink
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
