i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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