Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
