it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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