my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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