i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
