How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize