You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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