Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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