I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
