ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
