pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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