Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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