So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
