Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
