remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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