if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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