I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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