and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
