Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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