I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
