i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
