I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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