i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
