Someone shit on the floor
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize