dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
