Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
