my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
