C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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