Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
