I skipped work to stalk him.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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