porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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