Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
