bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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