we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
