Soap is not a condiment
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
