my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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