I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
what day is it and did you see me today?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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