Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize