just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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