Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize