so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
