Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
