Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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