You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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