I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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