I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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