I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize