Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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