I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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