you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
