oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
