dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
