He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
