If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
