How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
