The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
send nudes
from the living room?
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