Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
